I’ve been contemplating questions about honesty in creating art…why am I creating it? Who is my audience? Is it coming out of me honestly or in disguise? Am I trying to impress or it is just an expression of me? When I was learning how to paint in college, I really didn’t have the pressures of an audience, nor did I have the responsibility of pleasing a client. I painted from my soul and expression came flowing out. When I was dealing with the recovery of treatment from breast cancer, I needed to release my sadness, so my expression came flowing out. It wasn’t for anyone. It was for me. That in my mind was true honesty.
These feelings are one of the reasons I really like doing this blog. These little ditty doodles aren’t for anyone (although I know I have an audience) but they are for me. I press “publish” with the thought of “who cares?” But with this experience, I’m realizing that I really miss the moments of pure and true free expression. I miss approaching a blank canvas with paint in hand and seeing what erupts. I miss painting without fear… fear that it won’t turn out, fear that people may not like it.
This type of painting I’m talking about is very different from what you are seeing on this blog and what I have done lately. It is very emotional. It is like I have two painters trapped inside me. I REALLY do enjoy creating art for people/kids too, knowing that it brings them joy. I enjoy my current process of art. I’m just curious (and a little bit afraid) about the other. This blog I think, is helping me make baby steps back to that other place.
I do know that I need both in my life.
Funny, how even though I am writing about craving this freedom, I do just the opposite with my blog today. Because I am under pressures of deadlines (gotta love ’em and hate ’em), I used today to create art for an organization and just wanted to brainstorm.
I got inspired a while ago by a photo that a dear art friend sent out on her blog, and immediately thought that she captured this amazing feeling. I thought, wouldn’t it be incredible if I could capture this feel for the Dragonfly Project? So thank you, Sharon, for giving me inspiration!
With this piece I sketched, enlarged it, fine-tuned it, then inked it. It doesn’t look like much, nor does it have the “feel” that I’m shooting for. It is still in my head…hoping that I can translate it onto paper. Not sure I like the borders or where I’m going with the painting exactly, but I’m using acrylic, so I can paint over anything if I change my mind. This will probably be completely different from what you see here. I will trust that amazing is bound to come.
Ironic to say, but I’m really hoping that it will turn out too. 🙂